[ FroG LeGs Anyone? ]

Virgo

2007-04-29

Your positive traits:

You're incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most.
You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions.
A good work ethic. You'll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work.

Your negative traits:

Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer
You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well
You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults.

Your ideal partner:

Values success in life as much as you do
Fits a checklist of qualities you've been looking for since childhood
Like you, is more practical and realistic than romantic

Your dating style:

Active. You're a bit hyper, so you'd prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking.

Your seduction style:

You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you're totally uninhibited
You like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheets
A bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love

Tips for the future:

Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.
Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.
Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated.

Best color to attract mate: Navy blue

Best day for a date: Wednesday

Feeling Lighter

2007-04-27

I'll get the bad over with first. For once, the bad just isn't so bad like before. My husband's mom is in the hospital about her heart. They did some kind of dye test to see if she has a blockage, but she won't know anything until tomorrow. She thinks they are going to have to put another stent in. She already has a couple of them and a pacemaker. His sister just recently went to jail (serving about 2 months for traffic stuff) and was sentenced in another county yesterday to serve about 6 ½ more months for the same stuff. Because of all this, hubby is a bit testy at times. I try not to let it bother me, but I still get sucked into the same stupid arguments at times. He's still working though and apparently still likes it. If he stays long enough, they've told him they will send him to school for certification. He likes that idea. It would be nice if he would follow this job all the way through for once. I think he would surprise himself.

Now, the awesomely good! I'm being promoted effective July 1 with a REALLY nice raise. More than I've ever made in my life. I'm so excited it's not funny. Walking on cloud 9 really. No telling what might happen next. Thanked God profusely for this. I'm still talking with God daily and looking forward to church this Sunday. I'm finding that the difficult moments aren't feeling as difficult and the good feels absolutely wonderful.

I don't want to lose this feeling. I feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. What's next?

My Baby Sam

2007-04-23

This is no ordinary puppy. He is my little baby. He will never grow up and he will always need me and love me. I thought about it the other day and realized he means the world to me. He is more than just a little dog.

He will always appreciate me when I help him. He will always love me even when I screw up. He will never judge me and he will always be there for me. Words really can't fully express how much I love my little Sammie so here's my baby . . .

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It's A Good Day . . . FINALLY!!

2007-04-23

Today, is a good day. This morning I woke my husband so he could start calling the jobs we found in the Sunday paper. One wanted him to fax information to them. I told him I could fax from work; just call me with the info and # when I get there. Well, he calls several times. When I called him back, he began to give me the fax # and I told him that wasn't it because I had heard what the first 2 digits were when I was at home. He told me to be quiet and just keep writing. As he continued, he stated "and be at work tomorrow at 7:30am."

HE GOT A JOB!!!!

There's more to the story, but no need to bore anyone. Bottom line, thank you God! I have no plans to stop coming to church and I will keep talking to God daily. He has shown me His goodness and I must continue to show Him my faithfullness. Also, thank you to each and every person here at shoutpost who gave me kind words and encouragement. You mean so much to me.

Playing Catch Up

2007-04-22

Playing catch up with life's events . . .

Friday, I took my little dog to visit Robbie's grave. Sam liked being there and just sat beside me while a talked to Rob. I told Robbie about something funny I saw his little boy doing the other day and a few other things. I also prayed for God to look out for his entire family as I know they are still struggling with his death. When I got home I told my husband about talking to Robbie and he asked me why I pray to him. That made me mad. I told him I TALK to Robbie and PRAY to God. I had asked Robbie to put in a good word for me with God since I'm a good person and I truly am trying. I know Robbie is sitting with God because he was such a great person. Heck, he's probably up there telling God "no problem" whenever he needs a hand. Just like he was here, just better. I think my husband finally got it, but I could care less. That's my business and his insensitivity gets him left out the loop when I do things. I tried to share my thoughts with my husband, but he screwed that up. I have a friend who says "sharing is caring", but since hubby is a jerk, I'm not caring or sharing anymore. His loss, not mine.

Saturday, we went to the river - hubby, brother-in-law, his stepson and my little dog. It was pretty fun since my brother-in-law is a nut and I got to forget my troubles for the day. I'm usually pretty content going nowhere, but when you can't afford to go anywhere it sucks being stuck in the house. Just staring at my husband reminds me it's his fault we're broke so I get pissed off and depressed all over again. Plus side though - hubby did pick up a day of work for Monday so maybe we can breathe a little soon. That came totally out of the blue. Someone called because their house had been damaged in the recent high winds we've had. Willie had done some work for them before and they remembered him. Thank you God! We got home really late last night so the house wouldn't be hot (turned off the air/heat that morning) and then the hard work came. I'm going to try and crate train my little dog. He went in the crate and cried for about 2 hours. Supposedly, Sam will learn to love his crate, but I think he loves me like his mommy so it might be a little hard on him. He's my little baby and best friend in the whole universe. If I can ever get him to sit still I'm going to get a picture of him to post. He's so cute!

Today, I'm waiting to go to church and time is crawling. I need to know what God's got for me today. I'm actually looking forward to the day and that's a good thing.

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Throw Away?

2007-04-20

I understand mental illness to a degree because my husband is mentally ill. When I started this blog I mentioned my "superman cape"; that's what makes it so hard to let him go.

I met this man over 4 years ago who, by all appearances was what I needed in my life. Loving, caring, fun and not a wife beater. Sure he had some issues, but who doesn't. I just didn't know the severity of them and, sadly, neither did he.

After we married, the issues got worse. He wasn't a casual drinker, but an alcoholic. He couldn't hold a job no matter what. Everything came to a head when he totaled our "new to us" car in 2005 and went to jail for DUI and kicking in the cop's windshield. He finally agreed to see a doctor and was diagnosed as bipolar with a compulsive explosive disorder. I thought we would finally have a chance to be "normal". Little did I know this was just the beginning. It's been a constant struggle ever since.

How do you just throw someone away? I can't.

He quit another job April 10th. We have $49 and I don't get paid but once at the end of each month. I have two kids by my disgusting, sex offender ex-husband and no hope for any child support because he will probably be going back to prison next month.

My current husband, Willie, tries and fails over and over again. He sees a doctor, but the doctor isn't very good. He can't see the group of doctors I believe he should because he owes them money (long story for later). I want him to seek inpatient treatment, but that will probably never happen. He's afraid he will lose me if we're not together under the same roof. He really doesn't understand that, eventually, he will lose me anyway if things don't change.

How can I live with myself if I just throw him away?

I would write more, but I can't stay awake. There's so much more I can (and will) say. It will have to wait until tomorrow.

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You Might Be a School Employee If . . .

2007-04-18

For all those who think working in a school is child's play, read on!

You might be a school employee if...

...you believe the playground should be equipped
with a Ritalin salt lick.

...you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be
nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off."

...it is difficult to name your own child because
there's no name you can come up with that doesn't
bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

...you can tell it's a full moon without ever looking
outside.

...you believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own
box on a report card.

...you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you
if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow
today."

...when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your
fingers at children you do not know and correct
their behavior.

...you have no social life between August and June.

...you think people should have a government permit
before being allowed to reproduce.

...you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce!

...you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the
staff room as the "lounge."

...you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into
charter schools or home schooling.

...you think caffeine should be available in
intravenous form

...meeting a child's parent instantly answers the
question, "Why is this kid like this?"

Oh, To Be Able To Fly

2007-04-14

I was coming home yesterday and I could see the treetops in the distance. I drifted away in my mind and imagined what it would be like to fly.

I wish that I were a bird

Flying high above the treetops, wings touching the clouds

Everything so beautiful and perfect

Freedom, tranquility, peace

Far away from the problems here on earth

Please

2007-04-14

Please pray for me. I've been trying, but it doesn't work. I know God doesn't help those who don't help themselves, but I'm lost and confused. I'm trying to help myself, but I don't know how. I'm not strong and mentally I'm a basket case. I don't pray for wealth or for life to be easy and everything just handed to me. I work and have always worked (since 15). No matter how hard I try life never gets better. Just worse. I'm not sure how much more I can take. I pray for guidance, but it doesn't come. I can't hurt others even if they are hurting me.

If there truly is power in prayer, I need a mega dose.

So Tired

2007-04-14

Husband still unemployed.

Wife still crying.

Coffeemaker quit this morning.

I wish I were dead.

Really. I'm so thankful to have my boys because they are all that keeps me here. I hate my life; life in general. All I've ever wanted was to be happy. It wasn't meant for me.

Yes, I'm A Fool

2007-04-12

I was really looking forward to my mini vacation. Started on Monday and ended on Tuesday. I was suppose to enjoy the week off. All by myself. Life was even feeling so much better that my Dad paid for half of a miniature dachshund for me. My own little friend. By Tuesday, I felt so guilty for having little Sam.

My husband came home Tuesday morning and told me he had been fired. Was told it just wasn't going to work out. I was so upset. I just cried. I told him I wasn't sure if I could believe him and that angered him. It just seemed so coincidental. I finally get a break from life and now this. Spent most the day (off and on) crying and wondering why did this have to happen. Then, it gets even worse.

Yesterday, I check the bank. Fourteen dollars. I don't get paid again until the end of the month and he won't get paid til Thursday (two days worth). Thank God my kids are at my parent's for the week. No money, no groceries, no nothing. I tried to call his job to see if he could be paid now since he was "fired". He wan't fired, HE QUIT. Here I am sorry that he got fired and it was nothing but bullshit. He finally gets home from his job interview and has no idea I know all the details.

When I told him what I knew, he told me I had no right to call his job. Turned everything away from himself and here I am the bitch again.

Later, he told me he was sorry for lying and wanted to apologize for all the lies he's ever told me. I told him I couldn't give a "blanket" forgiveness because I have no idea how many lies I've been told or what the lies were. He asked me if I found out he was dying, would I forgive him then. I told him I couldn't answer that. Depending on what he did to me, I may not even show up to give him the opportunity to apologize.

Supposedly got a job yesterday. Thing is, I don't believe him. Supposedly he's there now (where ever there is). I hate myself for loving him. I wish he would die, disappear, something. Just go away. I love him and hate him. I feel so helpless. It's so easy for others to tell someone what to do. I know what the problems are. I just feel helpless to fix them. I'm afraid of him trying to make my life miserable if I kick him out. I'm weak. I'm so tired of everything. All I can do is cry and sleep. He's too stupid to realize he is the problem. The ONLY problem. I want to drive into town today, but I don't even have enough gas to do it. I wish life was like in the movies. A love story of course. At least I have my little dog. I swear he's my only friend. I love him so much.

Hollywood Cemetery

2007-04-12

Haven't been online lately. The reason I'll deal with later. I'd rather think nice stuff for the moment. Here's a few of the pics I took at Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond, Va. I hope you like them.

This a little gargoyle at the base of a gravestone.

Little Girl on Bench I love this little girl on the bench. She is so lifelike it's scary.

She is called the Black Angel. Supposedly unexplainable things happen near her.

Dog Dogs at grave markers are popular sights

. Guardian Dog This dog is a legend. A black cast iron dog used to stand in front of a general store on Broad Street. Every day, a little girl would walk by the store and hug the dog or talk to it sweetly. The little girl died of scarlet fever and was buried at Hollywood Cemetery. Shortly after her death, the cast iron dog was moved to her grave because there was an iron shortage during the Civil War and the owners didn't want the dog to be melted down for weapons. Ever since then, stories have circulated that the dog protects the little girl's grave and that it moves around on her gravesite, that its eyes follow visitors around the park, and that its wild barks can be heard late at night.

Confederate Pyramid Pyramid that stands high above hundreds of confederate soldiers' graves.

Nice view of the James River. The cemetery sits high above the river. Peaceful.

Better Late Than Never

2007-04-09

I've been trying to upload some pics, but if I keep waiting I might be done by Christmas.

Snow in April. I can't believe it. This is just a glimpse of what I woke up to Saturday.

Easter was a good day. Bunny came and went. Our bunny brings a gift and not much candy. None of us really needs all that chocolate you know. My youngest got some Littlest Pet Shop stuff. He tells us it is NOT a girl thing so it's okay for him to have. I totally agree with him. My oldest, three cds. No, we don't own an ipod or mp3 player so this has to do for now. I'm still dreaming of getting a MobiBlu for myself. Maybe for my birthday or Christmas? It's okay to dream. Kids left for the week to go with my parents. So off me and hubby went for a fun-filled kidless day.

My idea of fun - Hollywood Cemetery. Took lots of pictures (maybe one day I'll get them on here). I love the history. I've been visiting there ever since I was a teenager.

Today, who knows what I'll do. Nobody home but me. ALL WEEK! Sounds exciting, but I probably won't do anything. We'll see . . .

Ex goes to court tomorrow for his preliminary hearing. I'm planning on going even though nothing's going to happen. Should be an interesting day though. The "Mall Santa" sex offender gets sentenced tomorrow and I'm curious what the judge gives him. Knowing our "old as dirt" judge, he'll get lots of time and lots suspended. I've always been curious what the judge would do with a murderer, but we don't get much of that around here. Not complaining about that!

Well, got to go and visit the head doctor. Got lots to tell her.

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What's In a Name?

2007-04-06

And they call me Mello Yello . . .

Have you ever wondered what's in a name? I have. See, I was given a very unusual name. Thing is, I can't imagine being anyone but me. I can't see myself as a Barbara or Michelle. No one but me. I'm a bit different than others I think so I should have this different name. Not special, just different.

Was this somehow planned? Or did the name make the person? When you think of yourself, can you think of yourself as anyone other than who you are?

I was cruising the web one day and I came across a blog for a person with the same first name as me. I was intrigued to say the least. A female no less. My name is generally associated with a shorten version of a man's name.

After going through pages and pages of "twenty-something" stuff, she finally described herself.

Jessica Alba is my wannabe hot body
my dad is my mentor
music is my soul
working out is fucken HARD
im bad with names but good with faces
im not an optimist or a pessimist, im a realist
im very sensitive so dont hurt my feelings
im not stubborn im just passionate
im a sucker for sweet guys
i hold grudges, i cant help it
im hard to make angry but once u do ur life's over
i only open up to people close to me
i dont like being nosy and i dont like other people being nosy
i try not to judge and i dont base my opinions on other peoples opinions. i see for myself.
i hate people who judge u from what they hear
im indecisive wen it comes to little things but with big things i kno exactly where im going
i get bad mood swings, one minute i can be happy next min i could be crying
i may be snobby at first but once u get to know me its all over
im ambitious
im hard to figure out
im weird.. yes im an alien
i rather not say anythin than make empty promises
its hard to win an argument with me because usually im right and i dont give in
i'd rather show my hateration for someone than to be fake
i hate fakes and 2faces, i see right thru them
im nice to people who are nice to me
i have a problem with saying no
im not afraid of rejection, it only makes me twice as strong
i like a man with ambition
i can be a real bitch at times
i tend to hold things in
i dont like confrontations but im working on that
i like to daydream
i spend too much time online, i really need to cut down
the law is corrupt
the world revolves around money
blood is thicker than water

I removed a few of the things that weren't me, but by the length of the list you can see we are so similar in thought. Makes me think and believe that everything really does happens for a reason. That's why I am who I am.

Sometimes It's Nice to be Wrong

2007-04-06

Well, today was my paranoia. Glad though. It showed me that I need to ignore the crazy thoughts and live closer to reality. That's part of my learning process to controlling my anxiety. Getting rid (or at least dealing with) obsessive thoughts. Heart's tighting up just thinking about my silliness. Probably need to take anxiety pill to kick the feeling.

Nice evening. No kids. No fights. Life is good today.

Not Much to Say, well kind of

2007-04-06

I haven't had much to say the last few days. Yesterday evening, my paranoia kicked up a notch. My friend's post disappeared as quickly as it appeared. One co-worker made a request to change their work login access and my friend did the same within minutes. Probably nothing, but I can't' help but think it somehow has something to do with me. Why? I don't know. It's the "me me me" of the anxiety thing kicking in. I didn't do anything and I keep a lot of info under my hat because of my job. Again, probably nothing but my stomach is in knots because of it. Can't help it & I haven't been able to stop the feeling.

I'm starting to think more of John (sicko ex) too. I'm kind of like a reverse stalker. He'll be back in the county Tuesday for his preliminary hearing. I already know they're just going to give him a court appointed attorney and set the real court date, but I still want to see. I think I keep hoping to see him actually suffering for his actions instead of acting like he's on holiday or something.

See, he never accepted any responsibility for what he did to me. Emotionally and physically tortured me for years then nothing. No sorries, no nothing. The last time I saw him face to face he still wouldn't accept responsibility for anything. I told him he left me with a medical problem and he told me it couldn't have been him. I had to have cheated on him sometime during our 10 year marriage. Not me. Not built that way. Only cheating I ever did was in my dreams. I know I should let this go, but I can't. It's an obsession. I can't stop the thoughts. I want to see him suffer.

Well, not sure how this day will go. I'll see both co-workers today so maybe they can shed some light on this and ease my mind. I can only have one mental crisis at a time (okay maybe that's a bit severe).

Jealousy

2007-04-05

More from the cheese factory . . .

"Jealousy"

What do you do?
Where do you go?
Who are you with?
Do I really want to know?

Shouldn't care,
But I do

Not knowing eats me alive
Invades my thoughts
Seeps in to my dreams
Takes little pieces of my sanity

Want to trust,
But it's so hard

Nothing is hidden
All is seen

Perhaps even what is not there

My Mantra

2007-04-05

I wrote this a while back, but it still fits today. Pardon if it's cheesy. I never said I was a poet.

"Why Me?"

Disassociation

No anticipation

Without rejection

Don't understand

Can't be hurt
Don't allow it

Afraid
Don't' want to be

Too perfect
Can't be

Something always happens

Destiny

Just for You Kenneth

2007-04-04

Thought you might want to spruce up a little to prepare for the big day! I've got one too for your lady if you like. Warm wishes . . .

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What the Hell Happened?

2007-04-03

Yesterday was really nice. No arguing, the kids were so helpful, I got to relax. So what happened with today?

I woke up in a good mood this morning. Then my husband came back home.

He was supposed to be at work. Now what?

Comes in with this story:

He couldn't even park before his foreman was yelling and cussing at him because of the day before. Foreman told him he wasn't going to have any shit today, etc. Then he starts telling the foreman he didn't want to hear his shit, etc. Supposedly, the foreman asked him if he wanted to fight too. Eventually, the foreman walked away and was standing at a distance just shaking his head. Since the foreman didn't come back to apologize, he got pissed and went home. He was going to show the foreman that he didn't have to put up with his shit.

Now, you gotta know my husband. Every job he's ever had, he quit. I can't even being to count all the jobs he's had just since I've known him. No exaggeration. Every time, it's someone else's fault. He takes off at least one day every two weeks (sometimes more) because he needs a break.

Knowing that, how do you think I should feel?

Pissed off at that self-centered jackass. We can barely make ends meet. I borrow money every other month or so from my family just so I can get food and gas. I'm in credit counseling (in debt up to my ears) because of his inability to work. I told him he should have been the bigger man and drop everything. But the bigger man went to work while the "I'm gonna show them" man went home. Told him if he's not making money, then his spending it. Could have made $112 today. Instead, he's home. Just turning on the lights when no one is normally home is spending money. All he thought about was himself when he drove back home today.

Then me and my youngest went to work/school. I asked him before we left the house if he had everything. Got your bookbag? Oh yeah.

Get to work; no bookbag. If the morning isn't bad enough already, now the fucking bookbag. Tried to call home. Thought Willie could at least make himself useful and bring it to the school (12 minutes away). Not. Line's busy because he's on the internet.

I've been in tears since I left home and now I'm despondent. Gotta go back home and get the stupid bookbag. I was falling apart. What else could happen today?

Sure enough, he's at home playing chess on the internet. We exchange a few words. As usually, I'm called by my proper name "Bitch".

All day at work I just wanted to run away. But I can't because of my kids. I swear, if they weren't here I would just kill myself and get this miserable life over with.

Then, time to go home and face stupid. You know, he did have a little bit of an opportunity to redeem himself by being useful. You know, help out some since he's not at work.

Yeah right. Got home. He's still on the internet. Dishes in the sink, lights on all over the place, garbage still piled up at the back door (it's my job to take it to the dump), dirty clothes in the floor. And I'm supposed to be smiling? Happy?

Barely spoke to him since I've been home. Wish he'd go to sleep so I definitely wouldn't have to deal with him the rest of the evening.

Often I wish I had never married him. I hope a lot that he will just disappear. No luck yet. I know it's my fault I'm in this situation. Once again, I followed my heart and tried to see good in everyone. Stupid fuck.

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Night Night

2007-04-01

Good Night All!

Sleepy pill is starting to kick in and 4am comes awful early. I'm looking forward to work. Only one more week until Spring Break. Then I'm off for a whole week. Whoopie!!

Just Wondering

2007-04-01

When I met my lovely, imprisoned, sex-offender ex-husband I wonder if I was one of those little girls (at least emotionally) that he violated. I was just naïve enough to actually married him and never saw what he really was.

I met dummy when I was 19. He was 21. I wasn't in a very good place.

I had married my high school sweetheart, Matt, at 18 and we in the process of getting divorce (Matt cheated on me with a co-worker). I was on a bit of a path of self destruction (drinking, drugging, you name it) because of the divorce. I had dated a string of losers, but I was enjoying what I thought I had missed out on because I married so young.

Then I met John. He made me feel special, pretty and needed. We married soon after my divorce was finalized. We use to play games in the bedroom. Pretend stuff - like him being a strange intruder and such. I never thought anything of it. Until yesterday. John's been on my mind a lot lately. Sick-ass bastard that he is. I wonder how many times he lied to me. How many times he cheated on me.

I know this is going to make the newspaper again. Not only did he violate probation, young girls were involved again. The last time, the newspaper quoted him saying something about his children. I don't want that to happen again. They're old enough to read now and so are their friends. Only one other kid in the county has the same last name so it's kind of a no-brainer who their dad probably is.

I don't know if I should contact the newspaper with my concerns before it goes to court or just wait and see what happens. In a way I would like the newspaper to put out a plea for more minor victims. If he's going to jail for a long time and I've been told to forget about getting any child support, he might as well stay there as long as he really deserves. My kids don't want anything to do with him and who knows how many other victims may be out there. I was told one girl's family didn't want to come forward back then because they didn't want the embarassment. I had suspected their daughter too, but could never prove it. Maybe they would come forward now. He's sick and will do it again. I'm not sure what to do.

Saw An Old Friend Today

2007-04-01

I was telling my husband today about the people I went to college with. I told him I wonder what happened to them.

This evening I had to go to the grocery store. As I was putting the groceries in my car a man approached. It was Jay. I was so surprised. I hadn't seen him since graduation over 5 years ago. He's an engineer now. Moved to my county too. He said he knew I had lived out here, but never seen me around. I told him I had gotten into a great career too. We exchanged emails and he said we should get together and do a little networking. It was great seeing him again. We'd like to find the others. We hung out with some pretty cool people in school. It's funny how things happen when we least expect it.

Strange Dream

2007-04-01

I had the strangest dream this morning. It meant something, but I'm not sure what. Usually, I don't remember much of anything about my dreams. This one was so vivid. I can still see it in my mind. Maybe someone can shed some light on it for me.

I dreamed that I was at work at the elementary school. For whatever reason I offered to help a little boy find his way to his bus - number 33. I never go out to the bus loop so I have no idea where this bus parked. Eventually, all the buses leave and I'm left alone with this little boy. I don't know what to do. Here I am with this little boy and I don't want anyone to know that I couldn't find his bus and now he wouldn't get home.

Suddenly, I realize he's the little boy at my school in the wheelchair. His mom always hopes he will be able to walk, but it doesn't look possible. He doesn't have use of his arms or legs, but you should see him. He's amazing. He can type on a computer with the side of his hand. He doesn't miss a beat playing with the other children. And smart, he's the most intelligent kindergartener I know.

I look down at him confused and amazed. I don't understand how he is here, healed, standing beside me and holding my hand. Now, I can feel it's even more important to get him to his mother. I don't want her to worry and be scared.

I take him home with me. I make sure he is fed and happy. I'm in awe of him. I can't explain what I am seeing. I keep trying to call his mother. I would take him home, but I don't know where bus 33 was supposed to take him. It might not have been his home. Eventually, his mother answers the phone. I explain what happened and how terrible I feel about it. I told her how embarrassed I was and that's why I didn't tell anyone at the school. I never thought to ask the little boy about bus 33. I never thought to ask where it was taking him.

His mother tells me his bus driver's name. Then, I woke up.

The school bus driver's son was my friend who died in the line of duty September 20, 2006. She still drives a bus for the school system. She would also drive the bus to our band competitions and such when we were teenagers. Her son played the snare drum while I played clarinet. I couldn't remember exactly how old he was when he died. I had to look it up. He was 33 years old. He would have turned 34 in December. When I asked my husband what he thought of my dream, he didn't have an answer. He did remind me though that my dream occurred on Palm Sunday.