Throw Away?
2007-04-20
I understand mental illness to a degree because my husband is mentally ill. When I started this blog I mentioned my "superman cape"; that's what makes it so hard to let him go.
I met this man over 4 years ago who, by all appearances was what I needed in my life. Loving, caring, fun and not a wife beater. Sure he had some issues, but who doesn't. I just didn't know the severity of them and, sadly, neither did he.
After we married, the issues got worse. He wasn't a casual drinker, but an alcoholic. He couldn't hold a job no matter what. Everything came to a head when he totaled our "new to us" car in 2005 and went to jail for DUI and kicking in the cop's windshield. He finally agreed to see a doctor and was diagnosed as bipolar with a compulsive explosive disorder. I thought we would finally have a chance to be "normal". Little did I know this was just the beginning. It's been a constant struggle ever since.
How do you just throw someone away? I can't.
He quit another job April 10th. We have $49 and I don't get paid but once at the end of each month. I have two kids by my disgusting, sex offender ex-husband and no hope for any child support because he will probably be going back to prison next month.
My current husband, Willie, tries and fails over and over again. He sees a doctor, but the doctor isn't very good. He can't see the group of doctors I believe he should because he owes them money (long story for later). I want him to seek inpatient treatment, but that will probably never happen. He's afraid he will lose me if we're not together under the same roof. He really doesn't understand that, eventually, he will lose me anyway if things don't change.
How can I live with myself if I just throw him away?
I would write more, but I can't stay awake. There's so much more I can (and will) say. It will have to wait until tomorrow.
deeceevoice (2007-04-25)
I just stumbled across your blog and have been reading backwards. I'm glad your husband found work.
About his medications -- have you tried contacting the pharmaceutical company directly? Sometimes drug producers will provide meds free of charge in hardship situations. It doesn't hurt to ask. Also, consider contacting your state representative -- about medications and treatment. They often can be of assistance in such matters.
I had a friend diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years back, and I did some reading up on the subject. Carbs help with depressive mood swings. Protein helps with manic periods. There are things your husband can do beyond medication (but not as a substitute) to help mediate his mood swings. Also, people with bipolar disorder often self-medicate in curious ways. Anger releases endorphins into the bloodstream; they get high off of conflict. So, if your husband becomes angry or picks a fight over something trivial, it's possible he's unconsciously self-medicating, trying to lift himself out of a depression. There's other stuff, too: sex, spending binges, etc.
Anyway, I'm rambling.
But I'm glad he's found work and that things are looking up.
Cute pooch, by the way. :)
Bless.
Froggie (2007-04-22)
He does take medication, but I don't think the doctor is completely looking out for his best interests. Almost a free clinic situation. I do go to counseling and it does help. It's hard to find a qualified doctor he doesn't owe money too. The people I see won't see him until he pays their balance in full. I asked if he could pay the copay as he went (it has to be paid upfront anyway) and an agreed amount extra towards the balance. They said no. I don't understand why since it would be more than they are getting now. He owed this money before I met him. I'm pushing for some sort of inpatient facility at a state-run hospital. I don't' think they can turn him away even though he owes them money too. Even they could make payment arrangements with him. Everybody gets something and maybe he gets help from a much beter doctor. Unfortunately, we've run out of 1 med because there is no money to fill the prescription. Food comes first at this point. I'm borrowing from my family here and there for gas money so I can get to work until I get paid again at the end of the month. I only get paid once a month and I already owe alot of that to my parents when I get paid to pay them back for the help they've given this month.
Tulip (2007-04-21)
Just remember - If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will eat for a lifetime. There is not much you can do until he learns to help himself. Good luck!
Doe (2007-04-21)
Bipolar is a tough illness. Does he take meds?
Honey, if he won't help himself, I don't think you can help him.
Maybe counseling would be good for you, so you can get a more non-sentimental view of how you should proceed.
I wish for nothing but the best for you.
[ Back to top ]
Created with ShoutPost
