Sick of Today
2007-02-21
Today has been a pretty bad day. Nothing seems to be going right. Work was one demand after another leaving me feeling pulled in a million directions. My husband, lazy to say the least. If he does anything beyond going to work, it's a miracle. My kids, lie to me and expect something for nothing. I'm so sick of it. I wish I could disappear for a while and let them see just how much they take advantage of me.
I guess I should back track a little to explain why life sucks. I've been married three times and husband #2 was emotionally and physically abusive. He went to prison for 6 years for having a 14 year old girlfriend. I'm sure there were others, but he will never admit the truth if no one can prove otherwise. There so much I could say about him and no one would probably believe it. Current husband #3 is an alcoholic/addict, biopolar with explosive compulsive disorder. I didn't know this until after we were married. The biopolar/explosive part wasn't diagnosed until 2 1/2 years in to the marriage when he totaled our car and went to jail on a DUI and for kicking out the officer's windshield. Don't get me wrong, though. He's a good guy, but behaves more like a child than a husband. I'm expected to do everything. He actually admitted the other day that he never picks anything up, but nothing changed. I feel trapped in a sad, unappreciative world with no escape. My personality quirks leave me feeling helpless to change anything.
I have anxiety and depression disorders. I'm trying to get better, but it's hard without support from those closest to me. I feel like dying, but my kids keep me here. Unfortunately, most of my problems are my fault. I see good in everyone and believe everyone is capable of change. Of course, I have that "superman cape" in my closet so I can fix the world. People won't change unless they want to, but I tend to believe everyone wants to improve. Wrong. It's so easy for me to see what's wrong with me and my thinking, but impossible for me to fix. I know my thoughts are so scattered, but that's what my life is like. Confetti and I'm trying to put it all together. Impossible.
crazylady (2007-02-21)
You are not alone in this world, I am sorry for your day, but I will support you, guys don't think beyond the remote control. I have been there, I think just about everyday. I often wonder myself how would the family be without me. You need calgon to take you away. I don't know how old your kids are but if they are teens that is the way they all are, I have one, and your husband probably doesn't back you when you punish them. Been there, do that too. Hey hang in there and Thursday will be much better. Nothing is impossible to fix, you have to want to change, only you can do that. Have a great day Thursday. :)
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