Cruising
2007-10-23
Got a f*cked up voicemail yesterday. Waited until today to write anything so I write without the emotions I felt yesterday.
My ex's brother got mad at him because I tried to visit the brother in the hospital this past Saturday. I never did see or speak to him. I went there, he didn't want visitors, then I left. Sad, disappointed to the point I got lost in the hospital. That's okay though. My ex told me not to call the brother since he would probably say that (very moody I guess because of his situation). It would be better to just show up. I sent a text to my ex Saturday morning letting him know what I was planning to do. That was before 8am, but I didn't go to the hospital until after 3pm. Plently of time to respond. Sure, he was in the process of moving, but he couldn't take 2 seconds to text back and tell me not to go? So now, I'm the bad guy.
I called back and left a voicemail that his brother and anyone else can kiss my ass. I was just trying to be nice. Thought he could use someone to talk to and maybe get a smile or two out of him. It took a lot of nerve for me to make it that far, but I worked through it. I was so scared to go there, but I finally did it even though I almost changed my mind all day. That's why it took me so long to make it there. Now, he can rot in there for all I care. Followed it up with a text that no one will see me again so problem solved. I mean that too. I feel like I'm only good to talk to anyway when he has nothing better to do. Maybe he needs to rethink his life. New house, new baby on the way, new life. I don't know, but I'm trying to make some changes in my life. Baby steps if you will. I'm taking my anxiety pills several times a day to keep my feelings at bay. Seems to be working. Working on making my life better. Even got the surgery scheduled I've been putting off for a long time. I'm moving full steam ahead. Toot! Toot!
Barnabus (2007-10-23)
Bury the past...one can't change it...live in the present, that's where life is....look to the future, and prepare for it....just don't set the plans in concrete!! hehe
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